Hi! This is the first time ever that I am writing something.
It was difficult to find a subject to write on as my world is very small.
3 years in the corporate sector and I think I am loosing touch with the world. So I thought I will write about myself.
I am about average looking girl who was always sure that there is nothing in her which is likable so she tried to be good natured all the time. I knew that my life will never be easy and thinking about that I studied hard. when I got to work, it was harder. I was somehow sure that things will never be easy for me. I will always have to work hard to get them and I did.
I got the reward too. First time I saw appreciation in peoples eyes I was over joyed.
Now this made me feel that my hard work is what is appreciated so... I worked harder.
I worked all the time and it became a obsession. A passion so dear that I forgot everything around me.
Working nonstop for 48 hours was no big deal. I was getting a incomparable pleasure out of work.
I would work till my body was torn in pain and hunger. I forgot everything around me like family, friends and even myself.
Work was the excuse to ignore them all. Not talking to my parents for weeks was normal.
I burned my personal life with my own hands.
My mind was suffering, my body was yelling for help and i made it harder for them to survive.
I made everything so hard because I thought it was hard.
In the end I collapsed but even that did not teach me a lesson.
As soon as I was able to walk again I chose to work even harder and took a job both physically and mentally challenging my limits this time.
Worked even harder to make a place somewhere I did not belong.
I gave up the remainders of my personal life like taking offs on weekends to fit into place for this place.
It was like fighting alone with too many odd things, my own fear that I was not good enough, the hesitation in everyones eyes when they looked at me and the thoughest
was to fight back the urge to go back home to my dieing grand parents.
Now I realize that whatever I have been doing all this time was just to prove to others that I was good enough.
That I was be successful and had money. I did not do anything to please myself.
When in college I had written 10 points about what I wanted to do most in my life, sort of my personal Bucket list.
I have promised myself that I would complete my Bucket list now.
It starts with this article today. My first step towards writing something worth reading, which was the first pointer.
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